MAN SURVIVES ON NOTHING BUT DELICIOUS DOG FOOD
When I was a kid, i was a little strange, unique i would like to call it. I enjoyed taking shots of vinegar, brown sugar sandwiches and purina puppy chow. It is true. I liked it. But I of course wasn’t allowed to have. My parents were appropriately appalled by my dining choices. But I was hard to deter….there was a huge bag of it in the garage. Getting my fix of pooch product was not a problem. No the difficultly was,,,the crunch. So as a young man, trying to enjoy his favorite snack food, while watching MASH, with his dietarily intolerant family, I had to be very careful. I would wait for a big laugh line on the show, bend over laughing and pop two pooch pieces in my mouth. Then I had to wait. If I was undisciplined and caved into my dietary desires, if i lost control, i would bite down too soon, causing a crunch. This would alert the other members of my family unit that i was at it again. Then it was off to the room. Not knowing the end of MASH.
But if i waited.
And waited.
The puppy chow would get softer and softer and softer. Then i could oh so slowly chew without social judgement….the real crime was that they fed us powdered milk.
As far as dog treats went….i was not a fan, and cat food was simply gross. However, milkbone biscuits were devine. They were the good good. But SOOOO crunchy, they could only be enjoyed under the covers of my denim blanket late at night. And yes, there were times when i was spotted by the border guards, that i called parents, with a bulging milkbone in my Levis pocket, and was forced to shamefully hand over my ill gotten booty.
All of this was way before i found out what was in kibble. Heck my dogs should have been eating much better. No wonder those basset hounds always looked so sad…..at least they didn’t have to drink powdered milk. An abomination!
I don’t eat dog food anymore, well not that dog food anyway. I’m Charles Chastain, the guy who makes the dog food for Pup Plates, and I eat dog food! Our dog food. I love it. And yes, during the process of making it, i am constantly trying the food. I know the taste of a well done batch. The challenge happened one night, after a long back and forth with a prospective client, in which i was explaining to him that our food was quality human grade…when I realized that i was eating Top Ramen. I told the prospective client, “I’ll prove it! I will eat nothing but my dog food for an entire month.”
So, here we are. I’m 12 days into my dog food diet and it is going well. To be honest i tried to blog about it earlier, but it was all lost. Squarespace confused me and nothing was going up. I don’t know if this one is either. So i’ll just pick up where I am. I feel good. I wake up earlier, have a little more energy, have lost a little weight, which was a nice surprise and certainly not the purpose of this venture. The most difficult part is the variety, or lack there of. Sometimes i change it up by using mustard. I don’t think it is cheating, and there is no real governing body of this diet, so i guess i can have mustard. There was a batch with organ meat in it….that was rough. very rough. And there was the unsuccessful attempt to get table scraps on taco night. I would like to point out how unfair that was, because our dog got table scraps!
As far as the nutritional balance of the dog food, it is perfect for our canine friends, and much better for me than the crap i was eating before. Ground turkey, ground beef, zucchini, spinach, blueberries, apple, carrot….it is a delight. I’ve never eaten this well. Another unexpected perk, i know what i’m having every meal. Pop a puck in the microwave, proudly perch it atop some rice and shredded carrots…rinse plate and repeat.
Boring but good.
It is a dogs life……and that ain’t a bad thing.
